Where to Begin!

So I guess I should start off my introducing myself and provide a brief summary as to why I decided to start this blog in the first place.  Normally, I'm not one to put my feelings, thoughts, struggles or successes out into the world, but lately, I seem to have alot of people asking me what is going on in my world and how have I been able to finally lose some of the weight.

So first off this blog is about my journey to find myself.  I'm doing this through a variation of different methods.  New adventures, new friends, new weight loss journey, and new self awareness.  It really all started back in January 2012 when I got on the scale one day and tipped it at almost 200lbs.  I've struggled with my weight for the past 9 years so to see that I had gotten that high on the scale, almost without realizing it creeping up on me.  Who am I kidding!  I saw it creeping up on me, I just got way too busy with other things to really take a hard look at myself and what was causing my weight gain and my health to spiral out of control.  At that point, I was 38 years old, mother of two a wife, and an individual that pretty much hid under layers of hoodies and sweat pants.

Well, the day I tipped the scale, was an absolute eye opener.  A friend of mine had been telling me about this health program that she had tried and worked for her months before, and I just shook it off thinking that there is no way anything like that would ever help me.  Well let me tell you, when the scale hit that magic number, I just couldn't deny it anymore.  I was gaining weight and I NEEDED to do something about it.  I had already been on Metformin for about a year and a half, and in all honesty, I didn't think for a minute about what I was doing to my body or my health long term.  Truth was, even though I was happy in my life, I had and still have so many internal struggles that I am just now learning to deal with. 

I ate because I was depressed and I was depressed because I ate.  It was a horrible battle and is something that I still struggle with to this day.  I haven't had the easiest life by no means at all.  I grew up seeing and hearing things that I internalized so that they wouldn't impact people around me negatively.  Especially my children and my husband.  Under no circumstances did I ever want any of them affected by what I dealt with internally.  What I didn't realize was that by internalizing all my pain and all my internal battles within myself, it lead to alot of comfort food which then made me bigger and bigger. 

The bigger I got, the less I felt like doing things with my husband and my children.  I was ashamed to go out and enjoy myself because I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin.  I lived like that for 9 years.  You have to keep in mind as well, that I am only 5'3 so at that height, that amount of weight is just not distributed in a healthy way.  I spent alot of time crying to myself, not only over my weight, but over everything that is going on inside me that I NEVER dealt with.  Unresolved feelings about my childhood, my family, my future.  It all weighs on you at some point especially if you hold everything in and don't tell anyone.  Telling people about your deepest secrets and fears is one of the hardest things to do.  I didn't ell anyone because I didn't want to be judged or I didn't want anyone to look at me differently.  In a way, my weight was my comfort and I could hide behind it.

So this blog is about my journey.  I'll share with you some of my thoughts, my struggles, my successes and by doing so, I'll be helping my inner self deal with the pain that I've kept in side for so long and hid it all by eating for comfort.

If this blog can help anyone in any shape of form deal with internal struggles that will help them get their weight and their life under control, then by all means, I'd love to hear about it. 

Keep reading, there is alot more to come.